Have you ever had those kinds of thoughts that seem to make things worse, amplifying anxiety or stress?

It's easy to get all hot and bothered about something, to create a narrative in your head that winds you up even more. The truth is, it's mostly your thoughts that create the story. When you change the way you think, you stay emotionally resilient, stay in control and stay calm.

The Pothole Metaphor

Unhelpful Thinking Patterns (Cognitive Distortions) are like potholes in the road – it's annoying when your car drives into them and they cause damage. The more often you drive into them, the bigger the hole gets and the more damage they cause over time.  Like potholes, we fall into the same old thinking patterns that cause us emotional upheaval.

Here are three of the biggest Cognitive Distortions that I see in the therapy room:

1) All-or-Nothing Thinking

Seeing things in black-and-white terms, like believing you have to be perfect or you've completely failed. In reality, most experiences are somewhere in between and still valuable.

Emma's Story: Emma used to stress out about doing presentations at work. She obsessively reviewed the slides countless times, and they never seemed perfect. She learned that it didn't matter if things weren't perfect, as long as it was good enough and got the message across, no one really cared.

When might you find yourself thinking this way? How can you look for the middle ground instead of extremes?

2) Catastrophising

Blowing things out of proportion and imagining the worst-case scenario. Most challenges can be handled one step at a time, based on the facts, not on an imagined story.

Linda's Story: Linda felt a slight tightness in her chest and was a bit out of breath after climbing the stairs, and thought to herself "This must be the beginning of a heart attack. I'm probably going to die. I should have exercised more, eaten better - it's too late now." She went to the hospital, convinced she was having some sort of heart episode, when it was just normal breathlessness from being out of shape, accompanied by anxiety. Health anxiety is more common than you think, especially when we get a bit older.

When does this thinking show up for you? What would help you to look at the facts and take action, without the narrative?

3) Taking Things Personally

Believing you're to blame, or you are responsible for things that are really not your fault or not your responsibility. Most situations are caused by different factors, unrelated to you.

Natasha's Story: Natasha walked into her office one morning and her colleague didn't smile or say hello, like she normally did. She immediately thought "I must have done something wrong, what if she hates me now, and everyone thinks I'm annoying?" She didn't consider that her colleague might be having a difficult morning, preoccupied with something else, or dealing with personal stress.

When have you taken on blame for, or felt responsible for something that wasn't anything to do with you? How can you remind yourself of what you can and can't control? 

Moving Forward

Recognizing these thinking patterns is the first step toward emotional freedom. Just like learning to navigate around potholes, you can learn to spot these cognitive distortions and choose a different mental route – one that leads to greater calm, clarity, and resilience.  It might make you smile the next time you catch yourself thinking an all-or-nothing thought, catastrophising, or taking things personally.  It's never too late to choose a better thought!

Be the Hero of your own life,  knowing that your thoughts create your reality, make them work for you.

Get in touch to find out more about how you can change your mind and change your life.