July 2025

Have you been hurt, let down or betrayed by someone you trusted? Has a relationship gone sour, has there been infidelity and you are finding it difficult to move on or reconcile? Whatever has happened in the past that caused the complicated emotional response, like anger or bitterness, the idea of “letting go” can sometimes be challenging.

Many people relive the story of what happened for years after the event, like a broken record repeating on a loop, reinforcing the emotional pain and the self-sabotaging story that goes with it.

Emotional pain is not to be trivialised. Betrayal and breaking up might be experienced as loss, but it’s not like the grief we feel when someone dies. In a way, some people might find that easier, but when the other person is still alive and on the scene, the emotional loss is different. It’s more about losing the future you thought you had, losing the connection, losing part of the family, losing the closeness or losing a best friend. It can knock your confidence or self-esteem.

This pain is not just in your head, it has a biological impact too. The stress of the situation and the hormones of cortisol and adrenaline can lead to anxiety, illness, withdrawal from social events and depression, if it goes on for too long.

If this has happened to you, an important thing to remember is: Letting Go is not the same as “letting off the hook”. Let that sentence sink in. This is vital if you want to be free. And even more importantly, you have to really want to be free, more than wanting to stay stuck.

Friends and family may think they are giving sound advice – forgive and forget, forgive and reconcile, move on, forget about it – and you might want to, but can’t. If this is you, it is not your fault. Your brain holds on because the thoughts, feelings and behaviour have been woven into a pattern, a story your brain repeats, a programme that gets triggered again and again. Perhaps if you think of the person, if you see them, if you hear about them or if you are continually blaming them for what happened, and justifying it.

The truth is, holding on to “The Story” hurts nobody but you. Forgiveness – letting go – is about freeing yourself from the emotional weight that holds you back.

In no way does this imply condoning any behaviour, in fact it has nothing to do with the other person. It’s about freeing yourself from the past, finding yourself again, showing up for life, building your confidence and self-esteem and finding inner peace.

BWRT (BrainWorking Recursive Therapy) works directly with the neural pathways in your brain, helping you to come to terms with and release the past with freedom and joy. If you want to create a better future filled with confidence and healthy self-esteem, BWRT helps your brain establish and reinforce a more positive empowering future, free of emotional pain.

Once the brain views this better future as possible, plausible and fair it will co-operate. As long as you really want to change and are willing to “give away” the negative feelings, your brain can be restored, renewed and revitalised through the power of your intention. We get your imagination working for you as we implement the process and your brain does the rest.

Don’t suffer any longer. Get in touch and book your free 30 minute consultation with me.

Message me, or email me directly – mary@innerspacehypnotherapy.co.uk

Have you ever had those kinds of thoughts that seem to make things worse, amplifying anxiety or stress?

It’s easy to get all hot and bothered about something, to create a narrative in your head that winds you up even more. The truth is, it’s mostly your thoughts that create the story. When you change the way you think, you stay emotionally resilient, stay in control and stay calm.

The Pothole Metaphor

Unhelpful Thinking Patterns (Cognitive Distortions) are like potholes in the road – it’s annoying when your car drives into them and they cause damage. The more often you drive into them, the bigger the hole gets and the more damage they cause over time. Like potholes, we fall into the same old thinking patterns that cause us emotional upheaval.

Here are three of the biggest Cognitive Distortions that I see in the therapy room:

1) All-or-Nothing Thinking

Seeing things in black-and-white terms, like believing you have to be perfect or you’ve completely failed. In reality, most experiences are somewhere in between and still valuable.

Emma’s Story: Emma used to stress out about doing presentations at work. She obsessively reviewed the slides countless times, and they never seemed perfect. She learned that it didn’t matter if things weren’t perfect, as long as it was good enough and got the message across, no one really cared.

When might you find yourself thinking this way? How can you look for the middle ground instead of extremes?

2) Catastrophising

Blowing things out of proportion and imagining the worst-case scenario. Most challenges can be handled one step at a time, based on the facts, not on an imagined story.

Linda’s Story: Linda felt a slight tightness in her chest and was a bit out of breath after climbing the stairs, and thought to herself “This must be the beginning of a heart attack. I’m probably going to die. I should have exercised more, eaten better – it’s too late now.” She went to the hospital, convinced she was having some sort of heart episode, when it was just normal breathlessness from being out of shape, accompanied by anxiety. Health anxiety is more common than you think, especially when we get a bit older.

When does this thinking show up for you? What would help you to look at the facts and take action, without the narrative?

3) Taking Things Personally

Believing you’re to blame, or you are responsible for things that are really not your fault or not your responsibility. Most situations are caused by different factors, unrelated to you.

Natasha’s Story: Natasha walked into her office one morning and her colleague didn’t smile or say hello, like she normally did. She immediately thought “I must have done something wrong, what if she hates me now, and everyone thinks I’m annoying?” She didn’t consider that her colleague might be having a difficult morning, preoccupied with something else, or dealing with personal stress.

When have you taken on blame for, or felt responsible for something that wasn’t anything to do with you? How can you remind yourself of what you can and can’t control?

Moving Forward

Recognizing these thinking patterns is the first step toward emotional freedom. Just like learning to navigate around potholes, you can learn to spot these cognitive distortions and choose a different mental route – one that leads to greater calm, clarity, and resilience. It might make you smile the next time you catch yourself thinking an all-or-nothing thought, catastrophising, or taking things personally. It’s never too late to choose a better thought!

Be the Hero of your own life, knowing that your thoughts create your reality, make them work for you.

Get in touch to find out more about how you can change your mind and change your life.