Month: April 2023

I have been noticing lately that some people believe they can’t prioritise their own goals because someone or something else needs their attention.  They never put themselves first and believe that others’ needs are more important than theirs.   I have heard many excuses for not sticking to a plan or not pursuing a goal, including:

• A neighbour was down in the dumps today and I couldn’t leave her on her own; 
• A friend broke up with her partner needed a shoulder to cry on;  
• A family member is going through a tough time and needed to be cheered up; 
• There was just too much to do and I didn’t have time;
• A colleague doesn’t get on with the boss and needed to talk to someone; 
• The dog just doesn’t seem right today.

… the list is endless.  

Putting others first can be altruistic and noble, but not at the expense of our own needs, dreams and desires. Very often, the focus on other people is, in fact, a type of self sabotaging behaviour.  Of course there are always exceptions, real emergencies are different. We can do our best to help others, but ultimately we are not responsible for their happiness. 

When it comes to being there for others, it doesn’t have to be  “them or me”, it can be “them and me”. 

Recently, a client of mine didn’t turn up for an audition to perform in a production that she really wanted to do, because her friend was having a tough day and she didn’t want to leave her on her own.  Now, that’s a lovely thing to do, but when it becomes a habit there may be an underlying subconscious agenda going on.   For my client it wasn’t the first time she did this, it had become a habit.  She realised she had an underlying fear of failure, and “putting herself out there” would make her vulnerable.   Spending the day with her friend kept her safe within her comfort zone and stopped her from failing. Her self sabotaging thought was “You can’t fail if you don’t try.” 

“Failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of  success.” – Arianna Huffington 

Limiting beliefs are like STOP signs in the brain, but the truth is, a belief is not a fact and fear is not a real barrier.

So the question to ask oneself is  “How long am I going to give my life to others without pursuing my own dreams?”  or “When am I going to stop the self-sabotage and put myself first?”

My client was able to stop that destructive behaviour in its tracks by changing the way her brain responded to the idea of “putting herself out there”.  BrainWorking Recursive Therapy (BWRT) helped her to feel excited instead of fearful.  She decided that showing up and doing her best would be good enough, and no matter what happened it would be a learning experience and a great opportunity to improve her performance skills.   She is now looking forward to her next audition with excitement.  If something crops up like a friend in need, she said she will see her after the audition, or the next day, because she is just as important as her friend. 

When you are ready to overcome the obstacles that are stopping you from living your best life, you can identify the hidden agenda, free yourself from limiting beliefs and counter any self sabotaging thoughts.

Do you have a dream you are not pursuing? Are you making excuses for not doing something you want to do?   Are you telling yourself a story?

Ask yourself these 6 questions:

1. What am I not doing that I want to do?
2. What is stopping me from doing this?
3. What do I believe will happen if I do this?
4. Could there be an underlying fear of something or another hidden agenda?
5. How long am I going to let this sabotage my dreams?
6. When am I going to stand up for myself and do something about it?

If you need a little help overcoming limiting beliefs or self sabotage get in touch for a free consultation and find out how I may be able to help you.   E-mail mary@innerspacehypnotherapy.co.uk or put your contact details in the box below.

“In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.” – Anonymous.

I find the practice of a regular mini meditation to be a great benefit in staying calm. You can slot it into your day around whatever else you are doing.

Professor Daniel Siegel, UCLA School of Medicine, says that “Relaxation is good but it doesn’t provide the psychological changes you see in mindfulness practice.” There is no need to sit for hours on a cushion, you can reap the rewards of meditation in just three minutes a day. It’s safe and effective and brings many benefits.

Professor Siegel advises a building a daily habit, just like brushing your teeth. The brain loves repetition more than duration. He says “Mindfulness meditation is a form of brain hygiene, it cleans out and strengthens the synaptic connections in the brain”.

As well as being good for the brain, meditation helps to reduce stress and anxiety, improve sleep, boost mood and energy, build emotional resilience, restore a sense of calm, enhance creativity and problem solving skills, reduce pain, boost the immune system and slow down the ageing process.

It’s easy to find three minutes in the day, or enjoy taking as long as you want to. You can do a mini meditation whenever you’re waiting for someone so it’s not a waste of time. I love sitting somewhere in nature and tuning in.
When you are used to daily practice, you may find that you can tap into the stillness any time, eyes open or closed.

3 Easy Steps

Prepare by setting your intention to find the stillness within. Adopt a beginner’s mind and be curious about your experience. Sit or lie down somewhere safe and comfortable.

1. Close your eyes and tune in to your experience for one minute or so, what do you notice? Any heaviness or lightness? Warmth or coolness? Just notice what’s going on for you just now.
2. Pay attention to your breath without trying to change anything. Spend about a minute observing the breath as you inhale and exhale. When your mind wanders, bring it back to the breath, without fuss.
3. Notice the sounds around you and the silence in between, no need to label anything, just notice. Do this for another minute or so and slowly bring yourself back and open your eyes.

Of course, you can stay there longer if you want to. Regular daily practice of 3 minutes has a cumulative beneficial effect on wellbeing, it’s a great habit that can be part of your self-care routine.

The weekend is over and it’s Monday again. For many, it’s back to the grindstone, getting up early, working hard and feeling tired already.

I don’t know about you, but I love Mondays and I love the excitement of a fresh start. It’s a new opportunity to get back on track with motivation and desire to advance towards achieving our goals.

There are 3 good reasons why Mondays can be a fresh exciting start. First, it’s a brand new week with a new energy and unlimited potential. Second, Mondays are a good time for planning. By taking small steps we can move forward in leaps and bounds in seven days. Third, Mondays are a great time for motivation. We can use the start of a new week to motivate ourselves to take action and get things done.

Here are 10 tips for making the most of Mondays:

1. Take a little time to set some goals for the week. What do you want to accomplish? What would be the best thing?
2. What are your compelling reasons for wanting this? Write three reasons why it’s important to you.
3. What will be the benefits of achieving your goal this week? Write down three benefits. Visualise and emotionalise yourself taking action and feeling proud of your achievement, happy that you stuck to your guns.
4. Plan ahead. Break the goal down into a few steps and schedule them into your diary. Make a commitment to yourself, you are worth it!
5. Anticipate any obstacles that might try to sabotage you and think of fun ways to overcome them.
6. Get yourself organized. Monday is a good time to declutter and create some space. An organised environment creates positive energy that will help you stay on track.
7. Eat healthy food and avoid sugar spikes that lead to a dip in energy and motivation.
8. Build exercise into your day. Exercise helps to relieve stress, improve sleep, boost your immune system and slow down the ageing process. All activity and movement counts. Make it a healthy habit, any exercise is better than no exercise.
9. Schedule in some quality time with friends or family during the week. Good quality connection with others builds emotional resilience.
10. Be kind to yourself, you are amazing. Speak to yourself like you would speak to your best friend.

By following these steps on a Monday, you are setting yourself up for success, making it more likely you will have a productive week. So make Mondays matter and enjoy them!

If you are finding it hard to get motivated or achieve a goal, and would like some help, get in touch with me for a free consultation. Hypnosis and BWRT are great tools to overcome obstacles, break through emotional blocks and reprogramme the mind for success.