Category: Uncategorized

Life brings many ups and downs and sometimes the downs can seem insurmountable. It is understandable that we might look for support in navigating a way through.

As a trained professional, it is my job to help you on your journey of self-discovery so you can explore your thoughts, feelings and life challenges in a safe environment and discover the answers for yourself.

I offer a helping relationship, the support you need, a non-judgmental listening ear so you can arrange your thoughts and work through the things that are bothering you. A focused conversation can highlight areas of life that are out of balance and need to be addressed.

There may be deep rooted issues that you would like to discuss with someone who can help you come to terms with the past, grow in the present and become the person you want to be; there may be specific problems that keep you stuck, like a roadblock in your mind – you want to move forward but the problem keeps repeating, like a broken record; there may be a goal you want to work towards.

Mental health is no longer something we ignore.  It is a strong foundation for a good life.  We cannot build a house on a shaky foundation and we cannot live a happy balanced life if our mental health is unstable.

Mental health is not just about overcoming anxiety or depression, it’s much more than that and includes things like:

• resilience – the ability to bounce back from adversity in a relatively short space of time;
• thinking in a positive and constructive way;
• connecting with others and the ability to form good relationships;
• establishing healthy boundaries around your values;
• feeling confident in who you are and what you do.

The moment you decide to change represents the turning point.  You will know when you are ready to make a change, become more self-aware, question your thoughts, look at your assumptions, identify any unhelpful ways of thinking and challenge any unhelpful beliefs. Change is only possible when the desire to change is greater than the desire to stay the same.

A professional therapist can teach you the tools and strategies that will help to understand how your mind works, build that emotional resilience, increase your confidence, connect better with others, and become your best self.

You have been through tough times before and you will go through tough times again.  The one thing we can be sure of is that everything can and will change.  Stormy weather doesn’t last forever, the sun does come out and shine again, and a rainbow reminds us that there is beauty to be found even in the darkest times.

Someone once said, “asking for help is never a sign of weakness, it’s one of the bravest things you can do, and it can save your life”.

To find out more or book a consultation, contact me and let’s talk.

Have you ever found yourself worrying obsessively about something? Do you feel unable to stop the onslaught of worrisome thoughts that flow into your mind in an attempt to find an insight or answer to your problems?

We have all been there from time to time and sadly discover that going over and over the worries doesn’t actually solve anything, it just makes us feel unhappy. But don’t worry, it’s just a bad habit.

Our thoughts are powerful. Thoughts lead us to feeling good or bad.  Worrying is a component of anxiety, it’s part of the human condition. Having anxiety can make us worry, and worrying about things can cause anxiety.  Getting suck in the worry-anxiety loop is like trying to find your way out of a maze, you go down one path and arrive at a dead end, so you try another path, and on and on it goes until you end up back where you started.

In order to break the habit of worrying, we need to work with the brain rather than against it.  We can do this by taking charge of what happens to the worry thoughts, and interrupt the old brain pattern by using the creative mind and the imagination.   The imagination exercise below shows you how approach worries in a constructive and solution focused way, placing a boundary around them and compartmentalising them.

Imagination Exercise:

1. Put all your worries in a box: Visualise a trunk or a box of some sort with a lock. Place the box in a room in your house that you don’t go into very often. The worries could be represented by images, words, or a list of headings.  Lock the box and hide the key.
2. Decide to allow yourself to worry as much as you want to, once a day, for around 10 minutes.
3. Choose a time that’s not first thing in the morning, or last thing at night. Let’s say your chosen worry time is 4pm – 4.10pm.
4. At the chosen time, imagine that you are going to the room, opening the box and taking out the worries to review them.
5. In this ten minute slot you should only worry – do nothing else, don’t eat, don’t drink, don’t look at your phone, don’t do anything except worry and problem solve. Go over each worry in turn and convert it into a problem with parts, break them down into solution steps.
6. Separate the things that you can control from the things that you cannot control.  Decide to let go of the things you cannot control because it is pointless and a waste of time and energy.  Throw them into an incinerator and watch them burn, or just imagine them dissolving.
7. Of the things you can control, think of one thing you can do to improve the situation, and make it better for yourself – commit to taking one small action step and ensure you do it. Write the action step in your diary/calendar or do it straight away.
8. At the end of your worry time, close the box, notice there are less items in there, now that you have sorted a few things out. Lock the box again and hide the key.
9. If you find yourself worrying at other times of the day, say to yourself – “I’ll worry about that at Worry Time” and imagine putting that particular worry in the box and closing the lid, walking out of the room and closing the door.
10. Worry again the next day at Worry Time. Do this every day for a week and soon your brain will get the idea that you control the worries and you decide when to worry and when to let go of worries.

A funny thing happens sometimes, when it comes to worry time, you realise you have nothing to worry about!

Most people say that in hindsight, there was no need to worry after all.

If you need help with anxiety or worry, feel free get in touch for a free consultation. I offer a no-obligation chat to see if what I do can help you. Hypnotherapy/BWRT are great tools to empower your mind and give you peace of mind.

Mary Bowmer – September 2021

One of the major sources of depression is the immense psychological pain of unresolved grief. If you have lost a loved one, you may be feeling very alone or isolated in your grief.  You may wonder if you will ever get over it. When a loved one dies, you know nothing will ever bring them back.  The harsh reality of death means that it’s final, there is no going back, we will never have them in our lives again.

From out of the ashes we need to rise up, find our identity as a person on our own, and live our own life, for ourselves.  This can be the hardest thing to do and many people struggle, or become stuck.  Life goes on around us, and it may be difficult to think about life without our loved one, but we must eventually learn how to let them go.  It may not be easy to go through it alone, and it may take some time, but things will change. Life must flourish in any way it can.  Understanding the process of the grief cycle may help.

Background

The 5-Stage Grief Cycle is based on the work of Swiss psychologist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross. It helps a person who is facing death themselves to understand their feelings, and it helps us to understand what we are going through when we lose a loved one (or something of great value to us). There may be extreme fluctuations between activity and passivity, even from one day to the next, as the person tries to avoid facing the reality of the loss.  There are no fixed stages, each one may vary in length of time, and there may be other stages too, including shock at the news of what’s happened, and finally the readjustment phase.

Roller-Coaster of Emotions

Grief creates a roller-coaster of emotions which may be expressed or repressed.  Repressed emotions may cause unseen damage that can eventually lead to physical or psychological illness.  Some people use unhealthy coping methods in their attempt to get through the grief, perhaps drinking to excess or using drugs to avoid the pain of loss.  I have seen many clients suffering from anxiety, depression, sleep or relationship issues who have unresolved grief at the root of the problem.

The stages of grief

The old proverb says “Time is a great healer” but the immense pain of grief can last a lifetime unless it is processed in a healthy way.  A variety of emotions will normally be experienced before the calm reality of acceptance and readjustment to life without the deceased, but it’s not the same for everyone. People handle grief in a very personal way and it will take as long as it takes.  It is worth allowing yourself to express these emotions in a healthily way, to avoid causing further pain or problems.

Personally

On a personal level, I lost my mother in 2002.  She died after a short battle with cancer. She was 82 years old and was the most positive, optimistic person I have ever met.  I cried every day for two years and miraculously the tears stopped falling on the second anniversary of her death.  I went through the grieving cycle and came out the outer side. What was left was normal sadness which is still felt on special occasions.

Getting stuck

It is quite common for someone to become stuck in one stage for a time, feeling unable or unwilling to move on.    They may not be able or willing to accept life without their loved one; they may not be able to imagine a future without that person in their lives.  For example, a parent may continue to buy the favourite food of a child that has passed away, or be unable to re-decorate the room where the child slept.  Unexpressed anger may keep the person trapped in that stage of grief, where they are so angry at someone else they cannot move on, for example they blame God/the hospital/the driver of the car etc.  Unresolved grief can hold a person hostage for many years.

Going in Cycles

Sometimes people move one step forwards and two steps backwards, often unable to accept that they feel something different, as if it was somehow disloyal to the deceased. The stages don’t necessarily follow any particular order but usually begin in shock.

Shock: Initial paralysis or feeling numb at hearing the bad news – not knowing how to feel.

1. Denial: Trying to avoid the inevitable – finding ways to distract oneself.
2. Anger: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion and, like a pressure cooker, it has to finally come out.
3. Bargaining: Seeking an escape route or looking for any way to ease the pain, willing to do anything in order to turn back time, or bring them back.
4. Depression:  The deceased is no longer in your life and you have to live without them. The harsh reality hits home.
5. Acceptance: Coming to terms with the loss, finding healthy ways of thinking/feeling/behaving that include hope for the future.

Readjustment: There follows a testing of the water, readjusting to life and moving on in peace.

What can we do about it?

It does take some time to get through each stage but this will vary from person to person.  Some people do manage to get through the phases naturally and safely, giving themselves time to heal.  Other people seek professional therapy when the grief is affecting them on other levels.

Clinical Hypnotherapy is a compassionate therapy that can help to guide an individual through the various stages of grief safely, allowing them to express and release the emotional build-up that accompanies each stage in a safe environment.  This enables them to move on in life with healthy memories of the past and hope for the future. The hypnosis session works at a sub-conscious level, releasing the painful trapped emotion so they can feel more at peace with their loss and find hope for the future.

BrainWorking Recursive Therapy (BWRT) is a psychological process that can dissolve the immense pain and resolve the emotional “stuckness” that accompanies unresolved grief.  This allows the individual to face the reality of loss, process the emotion in a healthy way and readjust to life without the deceased with hope for the future.

Normal Sadness.  Professional bereavement/grief therapy will take away the intense negative pain but it will not remove normal sadness.  Normal sadness is healthy and, following successful therapy, may still be experienced on special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc., allowing easier access to all the wonderful happy memories of life shared with the loved one.

There is no right or wrong length of time to grieve, and many people transition naturally.  However, unresolved grief can cause a host of problems like anxiety, stress and sleep issues.  When this is resolved through compassionate professional therapy, other issues are often resolved too as the ripple effect works on a deeper level.

Memories of a life shared with a loved one are sacred.  Don’t let unresolved grief spoil them.

Immortality (written by Clare Harner)

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on the snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there; I did not die. 

If you have suffered the loss of a loved one and would like to discuss any aspect of the above, or to have a compassionate, non-judgmental chat with someone who understands, please do not hesitate to get in touch.

Mary Bowmer – May 2021

Maybe you set some goals in January, or some other time. How is it going? If you are like most people, the initial rush of motivation wears off and you find yourself right back at the starting line, thinking “I really need to get back on track”. Knowing what to do is one thing, but doing it is another. With the right mindset and a little bit of understanding, you can programme your mind for success the easy way.

There is no better time than now to re-focus, reset your priorities and reboot your motivation.

Hypnotherapy and coaching work hand in hand to help you to achieve your goals with ease, getting your unconscious mind working for you, in the background. Automatic brain programmes run patterns at an unconscious level without us knowing it, so that we repeat the same old familiar patterns over and over, encouraging us to stay in our comfort zones. However, nothing changes until you change something. If you want to become better, stronger, emotionally resilient, calmer, more confident, give up smoking, lose weight, beat stress, or anything else you set your heart on, you need to push the boundaries and stretch yourself, stepping over the “you” that’s holding you back. A clear defined goal is the first step, add in mental rehearsal and sprinkle on a bit of creative visualisation, and you are almost there. Seal it with hypnosis and watch your success manifest before your eyes. Don’t wait for another year to go by. Learn how to programme your mind for success today.

“Do not wait; the time will never be ‘just right.’ Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.” — George Herbert

Step 1 – Clarify

Start with clarity of mind by asking yourself some questions:

• “What do you really, really want to achieve?”
• “Why do you want it?”
• “When do you want to achieve it by”
• “What’s getting in the way of you achieving it already?”
• “What will success look like to you?”

Step 2 – Identify Your Personal Obstacles to Success

The things stopping you from achieving success already may take the shape of unconscious beliefs, thoughts, behaviour, attitude or environment. Ancient Chinese proverb says “Know thine enemy and you can win all battles”. What is your biggest enemy when it comes to self-sabotage?

• Psychological: Laziness; self-sabotage; negative attitude; self-doubt; lack of self discipline; mindlessness.
• Beliefs: Out-dated or unhelpful ideas about life, family, health, your abilities.
• Behaviours: Unhelpful habits; conditioned responses.
• Thoughts: Internal dialogue might be critical; self downing; unrealistic expectations; perfectionism.
• Environment: Following the crowd; spending time with the wrong type of people.
• Skills: Time management; problem solving; relaxation; effective planning.

Step 3 – Create an Empowering Vision

Having a clear and precise image in your mind of what exactly you really want engages the part of your brain that focusses on achieving your heart’s desire. What is your vision of success? What does it look like? How do you see yourself? What will you be doing? What will you be feeling? Who is there with you? What kind of things do you say to yourself in your own mind? What do you focus on? Take your time to answer these questions and fill in all the details.

Step 4 – Keep Your Eyes on The Prize

The intention is where you begin. Success is the destination. We need to start with the end in mind. Keep your eyes firmly fixed on the prize. There could be many different ways to get to where you want to go. You might want to take the fast road or the scenic route. The journey might be more important than the destination. It all depends on how you look at it. When you programme the Sat Nav in the car, you always start with the destination. This way, the car knows where to go. Your brain works in much the same way.

Step 5 – Create The Blueprint For Success

What are the ingredients of success? You can’t drive your car without learning the skill of driving. There are certain skills that will help you to achieve success. These include:

• Clear, precise, well defined goals – include as many details as you can;
• Effective communication – includes positive self talk and empowering language;
• Time management – schedule your day in a well-balanced way;
• Planning ahead – look at short term, medium and long-term goals;
• Problem solving abilities – break down every problem into bite size pieces and tackle one piece at a time;
• Self discipline – be your own coach and encourage yourself;
• Delayed gratification – you don’t have to have everything right now, take time to cherish the anticipation of reward;
• Taking responsibility/ownership of your problems – step into your power and take control of every aspect of your life;
• Willingness to change – if we don’t change we stagnate, look for areas and opportunities for improvement;
• Openness to challenge – be willing to challenge your thoughts and your ideas and your emotions, they are not fixed in stone;

Vision – take the long view, the scenic route and imagine where life could take you.Step 6 – Discover your Motivation

We are all motivated by different things. Motivation comes from reward or punishment, moving towards something or getting away from something. Some people like to have a carrot, others like the stick. The thing that motivates you gives you that push you need. If the goal is weight loss, for example, the carrot might be looking and feeling great, wearing your favourite clothes, having energy and zest for life, feeling attractive and at your best. The stick might be the fear of becoming really unhealthy, unfit and unable to do the things you like to do, feeling unattractive, becoming even heavier and having to buy even bigger clothes. Each one (carrot or stick) brings with it thoughts, feelings and images. The one that creates the most powerful feelings is usually the one that will motivate you more. However, the Law of Dominant Thought tells us that what we focus on the most, is what we move towards. Remember to keep your eyes on the prize. External motivation comes from others acknowledging your success, or receiving an award, or something that is outside of you. Internal motivation comes from within, like feeling proud of yourself and wanting to prove to yourself that you can do it.

Step 7 – Recognise and Challenge Your Excuses

The excuse I hear most often is “I haven’t got the time”. We all have 24 hours in the day and we do what we want or need to do. Work takes priority for most people. Work/life balance is crucial for health and when life is unbalanced something may eventually give. The signs of an unbalanced life might manifest as stress, physical illness, anxiety, depression or in the worst case complete physical and mental breakdown. Burnout is a state of mental, physical and emotional exhaustion caused by ongoing, excessive or prolonged stress. Feeling completely drained, unable to meet the constant demands of life, feeling overwhelmed, feeling emotionally drained, is a kind of super stress that leads to serious illness. Maybe it’s time to see the excuses you make to yourself and take a deep breath, look at your life objectively and take stock.

In reality, work often takes up more time than anything else in a day. 24 hours might be broken down into 10 hours work, 8 hours sleep, and there are six left for personal growth and relationships. Personal growth includes things like self knowledge, developing a positive attitude, setting goals, identifying our values and updating our belief systems. We all have inherent strengths and weaknesses and knowing what these are is a basis to improvement. Personal growth is a continuous path throughout life and if it becomes stagnant we can feel stuck, in a rut, on a treadmill or in an uncomfortable comfort zone.

Step 8 – Step Out of The Comfort Zone

Success can lead to freedom – freedom from the chains that bind us to old ways, the old feelings, the old behaviours – the old life. We often find ourselves in a comfort zone where we feel safe. The brain likes familiarity and we are designed to repeat the patterns of familiarity because we feel a certain sense of comfort in what we know. If we want to grow personally, we need to stretch the boundaries we place around ourselves. It might mean working harder, getting up earlier, helping others more, learning a new skill, or examining our relationships. Some relationships are toxic and some activities and behaviours are destructive. Are we a good role model or are we modelling ourselves on someone else? Are we living in the shadow of an overbearing parent and always trying to prove that we are good enough? Do we deserve to be the best version of ourselves? What drives us? A little bit of self reflection goes a long way. Maybe we are actually doing very well and deserve to acknowledge our success, or maybe we work too hard and neglect other important areas of our life.

Step 9 – No Death Bed Regrets

Become mindful of what your priorities are and where you put your energy. There will come a time when it’s all over. Beginnings and ends are inevitable, what we do in the middle is up to us. We don’t want to get to the end of our days regretting all the things we didn’t do, or prioritising the wrong things. Goal setting helps us to look at the long term vision as well as short term goals. Here are some of the things people regret, it might help you to plan ahead to include what’s really important, and spend your time wisely pursuing things of value, having worthwhile goals that you will be proud to achieve.

Death-Bed Regrets: According to Susie Steiner in her article in the Guardian on 1 February 2012, the top 5 death-bed regrets are listed below (extract):

(1) I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

(2) I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

(3) I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

(4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

(5) I wish that I had let myself be happier.

“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

Step 10 – Make Sure Your Goals Are Worthwhile and Fit In To the Greater Plan of Your Life

Every goal is important in it’s own right. Each goal could be a stepping stone to a well balanced, healthy, happy life. Setting goals and reviewing them on a regular basis will help to keep us on track. Ultimately, life is like a sand timer, there are only so many grains of sand left. Rather than reacting to the challenges life throws at us, we could be working towards the ultimate goal – to live a meaningful, fulfilled, purposeful, happy and successful life that impacts positively on all those around us.

“A person without a vision for their future is doomed to perpetuate the habits of their present and the outcomes of their past.”

Put Yourself First, For A Change

We only have one life at a time, and it’s up to us to make it matter. Hypnotherapy and Coaching work hand in hand to give you the skills and tools you need to achieve success.

Why not put yourself first for a change? If you are interested in exploring some goals, I offer a free, no obligation, discovery session.

Let me help you to achieve those goals!

Do you want to overcome procrastination? if so, hang on, I’m just watching a You Tube video about cats….I’ll be with you in a minute. Get yourself a cup of tea, have a break and read my article! I’m featured in the Hypnotherapy Directory where registered professional hypnotherapists are listed. Click here to view it.

Help For PTSD (Case Study)

It’s not only soldiers coming back from the war who suffer from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). It could happen to you or me.

PTSD is classed as an anxiety disorder. The stressor is unusually severe, outside of what we might think of as a typical human experience, and is psychologically traumatic.

Causes
The sufferer of PTSD might have been the victim of

• a life -threatening situation
• violence
• assault or rape
• mugging or robbery
• a serious road accident
• a traumatic birthing experienceOr, they might have
• been held prisoner or hostage
• suffered a severe health condition
• witnessed another person being mutilated or killed

If PTSD occurs within six months it is considered acute, after six months it is considered delayed.

Symptoms
Those with PTSD may typically suffer from

• flashbacks as they re-experience the events of the past;
• sleep disruption or recurring nightmares about the traumatic experience;
• intrusive compulsive thoughts that are overwhelming and cause unpleasant emotions;
• tension;
• difficulty in relaxing;
• irritability and anger;
• the inability to tolerate sudden loud noise;
• problems with concentration;
• memory problems;
• stress;
• depression;
• loss of sexual interest;
• feelings of isolation;
• withdrawal from social contact.

PTSD can have a detrimental effect on self-esteem and self-worth, with anxiety and panic attacks often a daily occurrence. They symptoms might ease off for a time and come back with a vengeance, out of the blue. The effects of PTSD may also stop a person from living a normal life, from putting themselves forward or speaking up, from having a meaningful relationship, or applying for a promotion at work, or even working at all.

Case Study using BrainWorking Recursive Therapy (BWRT):

I worked with a client called Debbie (not her real name) some time ago. Debbie was in her 30’s, had a great career, appeared very confident, was an excellent planner and communicator, a quick learner and was very organised.

She initially asked for help in overcoming claustrophobia and panic attacks. The initial consultation revealed that she had also suffered from a serious violent attack many years previously which still haunted her, and she had also been in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship which ended in a bitter divorce.

Debbie had suffered from anxiety and stress for many years but six months before seeing me started having panic attacks. She didn’t like lifts and this was getting to the point where she refused to go in one. Her sleep was disturbed so she didn’t feel refreshed on waking, she was having nightmares of being abducted and tortured, she was quick to anger, flying off the handle easily and using alcohol and food as a coping mechanism. This resulted in her putting on a lot of weight and she worried she may be drinking a bit too much.

Debbie had been determined to put the events of the past behind her so she pushed herself to achieve success in her career. She became a workaholic and didn’t socialise much. Although she could be assertive and “bossy” on occasions, she recently began to shy away from conflict, often becoming withdrawn or sinking into depression, but never let it be known to work colleagues. To other people she was confident and funny, but inside, Debbie was riddled with self-doubt, guilt and low self-worth. She didn’t know how she had become so successful because she believed at heart that she was not good enough, and in fact she didn’t deserve to be in the position that she was in. She was now feeling very stressed, she felt anxious with some people at work who were being passive aggressive towards her, and she was afraid she might have a panic attack. I wondered if she also suffered from Imposter Syndrome (a belief that you are really a fake and will be found out one day.)

Debbie felt she was stuck. She wanted to move forward but something was stopping her. She wanted a new relationship but was fed up with dating losers. She wanted to lose weight but knew that she was a comfort eater and used food to sooth her anxieties. She had now reached a point where she didn’t want to be the person she had become and she couldn’t see a way out of her current predicament without addressing the past. She was afraid she would always be alone, or she might suffer from some serious health problem. Although she was financially secure now, she didn’t know what might happen in the future. Debbie was living on high alert and she thought she might burn out. The flashbacks to the past were a regular occurrence.

Plan of Action
We identified several areas that needed attention. First up we needed to disable the traumas, then stop the panic attacks, treat the claustrophobia, build up her self-esteem, get rid of the Imposter Syndrome and only after that she would think about losing weight. We established some smart goals and worked together over a number of sessions.

BWRT is an excellent tool to disable the triggers that cause many emotional issues such as anxiety, anger, stress. Many of Debbie’s issues were anxiety based – PTSD, claustrophobia and panic attacks; stress and anger were also emotionally based. There was a lot of fear in her life.

PTSD can last for many years if left untreated. Trauma is like a roadblock in the mind, you try to move on, to move forward but the trauma stops you. It can be crippling, and even little things can trigger a panic attack. A sudden loud noise, an image, a song, a new relationship, a red ribbon. It could be anything that is associated in some way to a memory of a traumatic experience from the past.

Through the process of BWRT® Debbie was able to disable the traumas from her past, and relocate them to a place in her mind that was behind her, frozen in time, powerless. The fear was no longer at the edge of her awareness, ready to pounce when she least expected it. She discovered she had the ability to take back her power, to see things from a new perspective and she was no longer a victim. As a result, she was now able to stand up to the bullies at work, to speak her truth and to feel confident in her own skin. She began to respect herself in a way that she had never been able to before. She started to show herself compassion and kindness and this led to her being able to start loving herself for the first time.

Tears of Joy

Over the time we worked together, she shed some tears and she laughed out loud, and on the last session she shed tears of joy. The Traumas had been disabled and were behind her, she no longer had claustrophobia, the panic attacks had stopped, she no longer felt angry and she was building up emotional resilience. She was looking forward to a promotion at work and believed she deserved it. She wanted to meet someone new but realised she didn’t need a relationship in order to be happy. She was positive and optimistic for the future. She had changed from feeling like a victim to feeling empowered. It was as if she found her real identity, her true self, at last. Debbie may come back to see me when she is ready to lose weight but for now she is enjoying having her confidence back, she feels like she has a new identity and is free to move forward with self-love.

If you suffer from PTSD, don’t be afraid to seek help. There are a lot of organisations that can help and support you. BWRT is one therapy that can help. For more information go to BWRT-Professionals
or drop me a line if you want to book a free consultation here.

10 Easy Steps To Self Hypnosis

Learn how to engage your imagination using self-hypnosis to create an empowering mindset that will enhance your success and achievement in any area of your life.

I’m lucky that I’ve always had a healthy imagination that works for my benefit. I can activate a happy or a funny scene in my mind at the drop of a hat and secretly smile or giggle on the inside. This enables me to stay calm and relaxed as I do what needs to be done, effectively.

Imagination is a powerful thing and can be used as a tool for success. The Law of Dominant Thought says that whatever we focus our attention on is what we get more of. Many successful people automatically use their imagination in the form of positive mental rehearsal. They see themselves succeeding, winning, doing well, speaking up, taking a chance and thinking positively, with the anticipation of getting positive results every time. When you imagine something vividly, your senses bring about the internal feelings that accompany the real success. It activates passion and creativity and it opens your mind up to bigger things. Walt Disney said “If you can dream it, you can do it”. And look at what he accomplished! Apparently it all started with one mouse.

The Brain and Self Hypnosis

Self hypnosis enhances brain function
By imagining something vividly, the area of the brain involved with actually doing that thing is stimulated and strengthened. In 2007 Time Magazine reported on a study carried out at Harvard Medical School involving two groups of students. Both groups were asked to practice a five-finger piano exercise, for two hours a day, for seven days. One group spent two hours a day playing piano in their minds, imagining the finger movements and practicing the exercise to the best of their ability. The second group played the piano exercise for real. In both groups, new neurons grew and were reinforced, and the brain area involved with piano playing was strengthened. Imagination really is more powerful than you think. It grows new neural pathways in the brain.

When it comes to the way we live our lives on a day-to-day basis, our imagination plays a vital role. We respond to situations according to what we think about them. Circumstances are neutral in meaning. Thoughts lead to feelings, feelings lead to choices and choices lead to action or non-action, which in turn leads to results. You can imagine the worst or the best happening, the brain doesn’t care, it will activate the good or the bad feelings that go with it. Dopamine is part of the reward system of the brain and when we create positive expectation in our mind we experience the feel-good factor, created by dopamine. The more dopamine that is produced, the better we feel and the more motivated we are to seek out pleasure and reap the rewards of success.

Self Hypnosis helps Anxiety

Social Anxiety is eased with self-hypnosis
Compare the following stories: Jane suffers from social anxiety. She is invited to a party and she begins to worry for a few days leading up to the event. She is agitated and keeps thinking about what will happen at the party. She doesn’t sleep well and has nightmares about things going wrong. She imagines no-one will talk to her, she will blush if they do, she will look awkward and won’t know what to say to anyone, she might make a fool of herself, she will probably be on her own anyway so what’s the point of even going? She gets herself into a state of nervous exhaustion. It’s not worth it, so she stays at home. She misses out.

Jane came to me for hypnotherapy. After some imagination training in self-hypnosis, Jane gets invited to another party. This time it’s different. She practices self-hypnosis at home. She gets excited thinking of people smiling at her, welcoming her in and saying how lovely it is to see her. She imagines herself chatting easily and effortlessly, asking questions and listening to others. She sees herself genuinely complimenting a friend on how she looks. She notices that she feels calm when she is introduced to strangers, and she feels relaxed and comfortable in her own skin when she engages in conversation. She takes her time in replying to any questions and she smiles a lot. This time, Jane used her creative imagination to predict a positive outcome, she enhanced her thinking and she prepared with mental rehearsal. Guess what? she really did go to the party and had a lovely time. Now Jane’s brain has new neural pathways that confirm she can go to parties and enjoy herself. Jane’s imagination and her thoughts created a future that was in line with the story she told herself.

Sports Professionals use self-hypnosis too

It is well known that athletes use positive mental rehearsal to prepare to win. Mike Tyson (Boxing Champion); David Beckham (England Football Captain); and Tiger Woods (Golfing hero) all used self-hypnosis and mental rehearsal to enhance performance.

Hypnosis helps you to become more absorbed and focussed on things that are going on inside your mind, enhancing your creative imagination and establishing new neural pathways in the brain which help you to move towards your goals easily and effectively.

What Can Self Hypnosis Be Used For?

Self-hypnosis can help with achieving any goal you set for yourself, whether it be public speaking, weight loss, insomnia, confidence building, motivation, doing well in an interview – you name it. In fact anything that is realistically possible for you to achieve, self-hypnosis makes it easier. No matter how big or small a goal, you can achieve it quicker and easier by focusing your mind on the the action plan, seeing yourself doing the things you need to do, in order to move toward success, and reaping the rewards of achievement.

The Benefits of self-hypnosis

• your heart rate slows down to a healthy rhythm;
• your blood pressure is reduced slightly;
• you activate the parasympathetic nervous system, also known as the Rest & Repair system;
• your immune system is enhanced;
• stress hormones are de-activated;
• your sleep is improved;
• your emotional wellbeing is enhanced;
• it helps you to achieve your goals;

So what happens in self-hypnosis?

Self-hypnosis is the act of putting yourself into a relaxed state of focussed awareness and inner absorption whilst remaining consciously in control, with the purposeful intention of achieving a goal. Simply put, it’s a trance like state of purposeful awareness. Anyone can do it, adults and children alike. In fact children are very good at it. It’s an entirely natural phenomenon like dreaming or day-dreaming. It can be likened to the state just before falling asleep or just as you are waking up. Your brainwaves slow down to alpha and you experience a re-set to balance your central nervous system. All you have to do is relax, keep an open mind and be motivated to want something to happen and follow the 10 Easy Steps below. There are many different way to enter self-hypnosis. This is one method that involves a breathing technique. You can practice self-hypnosis at home or somewhere else – as long as you are not interacting with other people and you are in a safe environment. Never when driving!

Here’s how to do it: Read all the instructions before you do the exercise. You could record the steps in your own words, onto your phone, leaving enough time between each step to carry out the instruction.

10 Easy Steps To Self Hypnosis

Imagine
Believe
Achieve

Step 1 Prepare Yourself – sit down comfortably, arms and legs uncrossed, and think about what you want to achieve;
Step 2 Create a powerful positive statement, suggestion, or an affirmation;
Step 3 Focus on your breath and breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth;
Step 4 Take 3 slow deep breaths, exhaling for longer than you inhale, and on the third breath out close your eyes;
Step 5 Continue to breathe slowly and focus on your breath as you count down from 10 to 0 on the next 10 breaths;
Step 6 With each number you count down, say the words “deeper relaxed” in your mind, as you exhale slowly;
Step 7 On Zero, repeat your powerful positive statement, suggestion or affirmation a few times;
Step 8 Imagine yourself successfully achieving that goal, bringing it to life in your mind, with as many details as possible, take as long as you want;
Step 9 Sit quietly for a while and allow any thoughts or observations to surface. When you are ready, slowly count up from 1 to 5, imagine the energy flowing freely through your body and wiggle your fingers or toes;
Step 10 Open your eyes on 5

Guidelines:

Give yourself 10-15 minutes to do the exercise, at a time when you won’t be disturbed. When creating a powerful positive statement, suggestion or affirmation, always be positive and say what you want, not what you don’t want. Remember, what you focus on, you get more of.
Here are some examples:

• “I am now relaxing completely and letting go of tension”.
• “As I relax, my pain subsides”.
• “The more I relax the more confident I become”.
• “I can speak up and remain calm at my team meeting”.
• “No matter what is going on around me, I remain calm ”.
• “I am strong and powerful”.

When visualising success, imagine it is the easiest thing in the world, and completely natural for you to do this. Be purposeful, and stay focused. Whatever you visualise, make sure to activate the emotional response, as if it’s already happened.  This is very powerful combination.  Without emotion, visualisation is not as effective.

If you need to open your eyes suddenly for any reason, just tell yourself “I’m wide awake”.

Once you have done it a few times, you won’t need the instructions any more. Practice using self-hypnosis and enhance your life in many ways. If you need help, get in touch with me for a one-to-one.

Ask for help

Advanced Hypnotherapy Techniques That Make Quitting Easy

• You really want to quit smoking for good but you worry what it might be like when you don’t have a cigarette?
• You know you are sabotaging your health but you are afraid of the cravings?
• You resent the way the addiction has made you so dependant?
• You love it and hate it at the same time?
• The habit has taken over?
• You don’t like the way people avoid close contact because of the smell on your breath or on your clothes?
• You believe that it is too hard to quit?
• You are afraid to try (again) and fail?

Addiction is Not Your Fault

I want to help you to stop smoking permanently and completely, which is why I have studied the nature of nicotine addiction.

I use advanced psychological techniques that work in the part of the brain where addiction lives.

In nicotine addiction, the dopamine system which is part of the reward system in the brain, is hijacked by the chemicals in cigarettes. It feels like it’s doing you a favour, but it’s actually a cruel trick. It’s like falling in love with a poisonous snake.

The reward system, which is part of the survival system, unwittingly turns against you, causing you to crave something that ultimately damages or destroys you.

The human is the only animal on the planet that smokes, most other animals run away from smoke.

It doesn’t make sense, but the addiction lives in the part of the brain that can’t think, so it can’t make sense of it.

The problem is the brain, not you.

In other words… (worth repeating again) it’s not your fault!

Neuroscience has given us the answer. We now understand how to activate neuroplacticity using advanced hypnotherapy and brain working techniques.

Some of the Benefits of Quitting

• Experience both immediate and long term health benefits
• Reduce your risk of serious illness
• Learn how to overcome the physical, mental and emotional aspects of addiction
• Save money
• Breathe easier
• Have more energy
• Enhance your taste buds
• Smell nicer
• Age slower
• Take back control

Recent research is now showing that stopping smoking may boost mental health. A recent review of studies suggests that people who stop smoking have less anxiety, depression, and stress compared with those who continue to smoke. [Ref: “Change in mental health after smoking cessation: systematic review and meta-analysis” (Published 13 February 2014 – BMJ 2014;348:g1151)]

We have known the benefits on physical health for many years, but now psychological health is shown to benefit too once those that give up are through the withdrawal stage.

The new research has looked at 26 different studies, measuring levels of anxiety, depression, stress, positive attitude, and quality of life. Most of the studies followed the people for several months or years.

What the new study says

Compared with people who continued to smoke, those who stopped smoking scored better in all the areas of mental health studied. The improvements were similar regardless of whether people had been diagnosed with a specific illness, such as depression, or not.

What does this mean for me?

If you would like to stop smoking but are concerned about how this might affect your mood or level of stress, these findings are encouraging.

Motivation

The biggest motivation comes from your most emotionally powerful reason to quit. Maybe you want to look and feel younger – you might be noticing more wrinkles or saggy skin than you would like to see; you are probably wasting a lot of money on cigarettes per month and would rather do something else with the money; maybe you try avoid physical contact with your children because of your breath or the smell of smoke on your skin and find you are missing out on precious moments. Only you can find that motivation. Once you do, the rest is straight forward.

Mindset

If you think it’s going to be hard, it will be hard. However if you ask for help, there are ways of making the path to non-smoking so much easier. Hypnotherapy helps you to create the mindset of being a winner.

Cancer Research

Cancer Research UK says smoking kills five times more people than road accidents, overdoses, murder, suicide and HIV together. Stopping smoking has immediate health benefits. It lowers your blood pressure and reduces your pulse after only 20 minutes. Within eight hours, oxygen and carbon monoxide levels in your blood return to normal. After two days your sense of taste and smell start to return. Long-term benefits include reduced risk of coronary heart disease, stroke, lung cancer and other cancers.

Action Plan

If you are already looking at ways to quit, look no further – book an appointment today and choose freedom.

Hypnotherapy Reprogrammes The Mind for Success

Every time you finish a cigarette and put it out – you effectively stop smoking, so in one respect, you stop smoking several times a day.

Hypnotherapy can help you to never pick up a cigarette again.

Hypnotherapy has been shown to re-programme the mind with new beliefs, so that you don’t just stop smoking, you effectively get help to become a non-smoker.

Is Hypnotherapy a Last Resort?

A Stop Smoking client may arrive at my door as a last resort.

I have seen defeat, guilt and stress on the faces of most people who have tried and failed to give up. He/she will probably already have tried the patches, the electric cigarette, the gum or the lozenges or read a book about how to do it. The body language of such a client tells me more than words could ever say. There may be additional worries about weight gain, anxiety attacks or stress if they do manage to give up.

Many smokers are in denial of health issues, they just ignore them.

Hypnotherapy brings you face to face with your fears about quitting, and helps you to overcome them.

Discover the freedom that hypnotherapy brings.

The Stop Smoking Programme

My new Stop Smoking Programme is designed to work with you as an individual, because we are all different. and we have different life circumstances.

I don’t work with everyone. I only work with people who are ready to quit and committed to permanently and completely stop smoking.

When you sign up with me, you will have a three month window and if there is any sign of temptation you can call me straight away and book in a further session. This is usually not necessary, but I offer you a further session anyway to deal with any stresses in life.

Because you are an individual, I ask a lot of questions and I use the information you provide to create a programme that is tailored to your needs.

On the BIG DAY, the session lasts about two and a half hours. There is also some preparatory work to be done before hand. The follow up session is anytime within 3 months.

Contact me now if you are serious about quitting and book a free 20 minute chat, or a one-hour discovery session (at a small cost) to ask any questions and find out if we are a good fit to work together.

IF YOU ARE READY NOW

Contact me now and let’s get started. There is no time like the present. Give yourself the gift of quitting. You deserve to be a free-breather.

If you have a lot going on, and you find yourself procrastinating or getting side-tracked when you really need to be getting on with what you are doing, a simple Yawn-Stretch-Relax exercise can re-focus your brain on what’s important.

According to Mark Waldman, one of the world’s leading experts on the brain, communication and spirituality, this simple exercise can restore balance and clarity, bringing you into the present moment and allowing your brain to process what’s going on more efficiently.

The brain can only hold about 7 chunks of information at any one time, that’s about 10 or 20 words, max. Is it any wonder we can’t remember everything we want to remember? If there is a lot going on, it can seem overwhelming, but only if you think it’s overwhelming. The way you communicate with yourself impacts on how your brain responds. If you think you can handle it, your brain deals with the situation much more effectively.

There are roughly 160 billion neurons in your brain and they are constantly communicating with each other, a hundred times faster than you think! Your brain is always working on your behalf in the background and a little help goes a long way. This little exercise helps your brain to sift through all the data and bring a bit of clarity to the situation, with a moment of calm.

Whole Brain Integration

According to Waldman, when you do the Yawn, Stretch & Relax exercise, it activates what’s known as the Salience Network in the brain, where intuition and imagination live, and you are rewarded with a moment of whole brain integration. It’s like hitting the reset button for clarity and focus, which may lead to an “AHA” moment about what’s important.

Here’s how to do it

Look away from what you are doing, disengage for a couple of minutes and force a slow yawn, stretch your arms, stretch or loosen your neck and shrug your shoulders, relax, and gently stroke a part of your bare skin, like your hand or arm. Give yourself a few moments to enjoy the feeling and then ask your intuition, “What’s interesting, useful or insightful for me right now?” and just allow whatever comes to mind to come to mind. Wait and listen. It might be a whisper or it might speak loudly and clearly about what your next step might be. If it’s of value to you, write it down.

If you can’t yawn to begin with, just pretend to yawn and you will get better at it. Imagine watching your favourite animal yawning and see how they look so relaxed when they do it.

Learn to trust your intuition.Take a few moments right now to close your eyes, Yawn, Stretch & Relax…. and see what happens!

Complimentary Consultation

If I can help you to manage your mind in any way, feel free to get in touch for a complimentary consultation.

contact

How to stop your emotional brain from hijacking healthy weight loss

Trying to be healthy or trying to lose weight can trigger the survival instinct and cause “All or Nothing” thinking which leads to stress.

Are you familiar with the recurrent pattern of being good, eating healthy, exercising, sticking to your plan all day, and then blowing it in the evening?

“All or Nothing” thinking can lead you down the path of self-sabotage

Maybe you are chilling out on the sofa, or watching TV, and your thoughts turn to snacking. You have had dinner, you are not hungry but there is something nagging away inside your mind. You have worked hard all day. You have been good. You deserve a treat. Something small won’t do any harm…. You justify and rationalise your craving.

Rationalise = rational lies

A craving takes you by the hand and leads you astray. You quietly raid the fridge or the cupboard, or maybe you decide you really need to pop to the petrol station… wherever you can get your fix.

At this point, your brain is flooded with dopamine, the hormone that propels you into action. You just have to go get it. You can’t help yourself. You are on a mission. It’s almost as if you are in a trance.

Then comes the instant gratification moment, nothing else matters except satisfying that need. Junk food, bingeing, sweet things, stuff you really don’t want to be eating but you are blind to it. Or you know what you are doing but you just don’t care. For a short time, your brain swims in serotonin, the happy hormone.

And then regret, guilt or shame floods in along with the name calling. Why did I have to eat that? Why am I such a pig? I’ll never be slim and healthy. Who am I trying to kid anyway? I might as well forget it. I’m wasting my time.

DON’T DESPAIR – IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT

There are several things going on at a sub-conscious level:

• Your brain gets caught in a loop. The reward system, part of the ancient survival instinct, kicks in big time when you place restrictions on yourself. It fights back;
• Your logical, rational brain temporarily goes off-line and your focus is fixed on instant gratification;
• A vicious cycle once begun has to be completed.

What you can do:

Healthy Weight Loss Prevention is better than cure.

Avoid All or Nothing thinking “All or Nothing” means you are either a winner or a loser, a success or a failure. This kind of thinking is rigid and unhelpful and causes you to feel stress when you don’t live up to 100% perfect. When you feel stressed you go into survival mode and lose the ability to think straight. Accept you are imperfect and you will make mistakes, you will slip up from time to time and it’s ok.

Live in an abundance mindset You can have what you want when you want it, it’s your choice. There is no shortage of food, drink or comfort.

Show yourself compassion and love – If you do have an unhealthy snack, learn from it. Rather than beating yourself up with harsh self-talk, speak to yourself as if you were your best friend, understand that it’s ok to make a mistake, and move on. There is no need to dwell on it.

Plan ahead You can have a healthy snack that won’t sabotage your healthy lifestyle, or find something else to do that you enjoy – for example – phone a friend, read an inspiring book, write in your journal or go for a walk. Pleasure can be found in places other than food.

Recognise the pattern and say “thank you”. Awareness and acceptance will keep you balanced. Put yourself into investigator mode. What is your body actually telling you? It may be you need something other than food or drink or it may just be an old habit playing out. Are you just bored?

Learn to recognise true hunger from false hunger True hunger is in the stomach. False hunger is in your head. If you are hungry, eat something healthy. If you are not truly hungry discover what is really going on.

Ask yourself “What do I really want?” Is your goal to be a happy healthy weight long term or is it just to satisfy yourself in the moment? Dig deep and be honest with yourself.

It’s your choice You can have what you want – do you really want that snack or do you want to be a healthy weight, attractive, full of energy and vitality, and look amazing? It’s always your choice. Different choices produce different outcomes.

If you want help to reprogramme your mind for success the easy way, get in touch with me for a free consultation.

contact