Author: mary.bowmer@gmail.com

I have been noticing lately that some people believe they can’t prioritise their own goals because someone or something else needs their attention.  They never put themselves first and believe that others’ needs are more important than theirs.   I have heard many excuses for not sticking to a plan or not pursuing a goal, including:

• A neighbour was down in the dumps today and I couldn’t leave her on her own; 
• A friend broke up with her partner needed a shoulder to cry on;  
• A family member is going through a tough time and needed to be cheered up; 
• There was just too much to do and I didn’t have time;
• A colleague doesn’t get on with the boss and needed to talk to someone; 
• The dog just doesn’t seem right today.

… the list is endless.  

Putting others first can be altruistic and noble, but not at the expense of our own needs, dreams and desires. Very often, the focus on other people is, in fact, a type of self sabotaging behaviour.  Of course there are always exceptions, real emergencies are different. We can do our best to help others, but ultimately we are not responsible for their happiness. 

When it comes to being there for others, it doesn’t have to be  “them or me”, it can be “them and me”. 

Recently, a client of mine didn’t turn up for an audition to perform in a production that she really wanted to do, because her friend was having a tough day and she didn’t want to leave her on her own.  Now, that’s a lovely thing to do, but when it becomes a habit there may be an underlying subconscious agenda going on.   For my client it wasn’t the first time she did this, it had become a habit.  She realised she had an underlying fear of failure, and “putting herself out there” would make her vulnerable.   Spending the day with her friend kept her safe within her comfort zone and stopped her from failing. Her self sabotaging thought was “You can’t fail if you don’t try.” 

“Failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of  success.” – Arianna Huffington 

Limiting beliefs are like STOP signs in the brain, but the truth is, a belief is not a fact and fear is not a real barrier.

So the question to ask oneself is  “How long am I going to give my life to others without pursuing my own dreams?”  or “When am I going to stop the self-sabotage and put myself first?”

My client was able to stop that destructive behaviour in its tracks by changing the way her brain responded to the idea of “putting herself out there”.  BrainWorking Recursive Therapy (BWRT) helped her to feel excited instead of fearful.  She decided that showing up and doing her best would be good enough, and no matter what happened it would be a learning experience and a great opportunity to improve her performance skills.   She is now looking forward to her next audition with excitement.  If something crops up like a friend in need, she said she will see her after the audition, or the next day, because she is just as important as her friend. 

When you are ready to overcome the obstacles that are stopping you from living your best life, you can identify the hidden agenda, free yourself from limiting beliefs and counter any self sabotaging thoughts.

Do you have a dream you are not pursuing? Are you making excuses for not doing something you want to do?   Are you telling yourself a story?

Ask yourself these 6 questions:

1. What am I not doing that I want to do?
2. What is stopping me from doing this?
3. What do I believe will happen if I do this?
4. Could there be an underlying fear of something or another hidden agenda?
5. How long am I going to let this sabotage my dreams?
6. When am I going to stand up for myself and do something about it?

If you need a little help overcoming limiting beliefs or self sabotage get in touch for a free consultation and find out how I may be able to help you.   E-mail mary@innerspacehypnotherapy.co.uk or put your contact details in the box below.

“In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.” – Anonymous.

I find the practice of a regular mini meditation to be a great benefit in staying calm. You can slot it into your day around whatever else you are doing.

Professor Daniel Siegel, UCLA School of Medicine, says that “Relaxation is good but it doesn’t provide the psychological changes you see in mindfulness practice.” There is no need to sit for hours on a cushion, you can reap the rewards of meditation in just three minutes a day. It’s safe and effective and brings many benefits.

Professor Siegel advises a building a daily habit, just like brushing your teeth. The brain loves repetition more than duration. He says “Mindfulness meditation is a form of brain hygiene, it cleans out and strengthens the synaptic connections in the brain”.

As well as being good for the brain, meditation helps to reduce stress and anxiety, improve sleep, boost mood and energy, build emotional resilience, restore a sense of calm, enhance creativity and problem solving skills, reduce pain, boost the immune system and slow down the ageing process.

It’s easy to find three minutes in the day, or enjoy taking as long as you want to. You can do a mini meditation whenever you’re waiting for someone so it’s not a waste of time. I love sitting somewhere in nature and tuning in.
When you are used to daily practice, you may find that you can tap into the stillness any time, eyes open or closed.

3 Easy Steps

Prepare by setting your intention to find the stillness within. Adopt a beginner’s mind and be curious about your experience. Sit or lie down somewhere safe and comfortable.

1. Close your eyes and tune in to your experience for one minute or so, what do you notice? Any heaviness or lightness? Warmth or coolness? Just notice what’s going on for you just now.
2. Pay attention to your breath without trying to change anything. Spend about a minute observing the breath as you inhale and exhale. When your mind wanders, bring it back to the breath, without fuss.
3. Notice the sounds around you and the silence in between, no need to label anything, just notice. Do this for another minute or so and slowly bring yourself back and open your eyes.

Of course, you can stay there longer if you want to. Regular daily practice of 3 minutes has a cumulative beneficial effect on wellbeing, it’s a great habit that can be part of your self-care routine.

The weekend is over and it’s Monday again. For many, it’s back to the grindstone, getting up early, working hard and feeling tired already.

I don’t know about you, but I love Mondays and I love the excitement of a fresh start. It’s a new opportunity to get back on track with motivation and desire to advance towards achieving our goals.

There are 3 good reasons why Mondays can be a fresh exciting start. First, it’s a brand new week with a new energy and unlimited potential. Second, Mondays are a good time for planning. By taking small steps we can move forward in leaps and bounds in seven days. Third, Mondays are a great time for motivation. We can use the start of a new week to motivate ourselves to take action and get things done.

Here are 10 tips for making the most of Mondays:

1. Take a little time to set some goals for the week. What do you want to accomplish? What would be the best thing?
2. What are your compelling reasons for wanting this? Write three reasons why it’s important to you.
3. What will be the benefits of achieving your goal this week? Write down three benefits. Visualise and emotionalise yourself taking action and feeling proud of your achievement, happy that you stuck to your guns.
4. Plan ahead. Break the goal down into a few steps and schedule them into your diary. Make a commitment to yourself, you are worth it!
5. Anticipate any obstacles that might try to sabotage you and think of fun ways to overcome them.
6. Get yourself organized. Monday is a good time to declutter and create some space. An organised environment creates positive energy that will help you stay on track.
7. Eat healthy food and avoid sugar spikes that lead to a dip in energy and motivation.
8. Build exercise into your day. Exercise helps to relieve stress, improve sleep, boost your immune system and slow down the ageing process. All activity and movement counts. Make it a healthy habit, any exercise is better than no exercise.
9. Schedule in some quality time with friends or family during the week. Good quality connection with others builds emotional resilience.
10. Be kind to yourself, you are amazing. Speak to yourself like you would speak to your best friend.

By following these steps on a Monday, you are setting yourself up for success, making it more likely you will have a productive week. So make Mondays matter and enjoy them!

If you are finding it hard to get motivated or achieve a goal, and would like some help, get in touch with me for a free consultation. Hypnosis and BWRT are great tools to overcome obstacles, break through emotional blocks and reprogramme the mind for success.

Hi there, I hope you are doing well today.  If you are anything like me, life can be pretty hectic sometimes.  It’s all go go go.  I’m taking some time out this morning to enjoy the sunshine streaming in through the window as I sit here with my cup of early morning tea.

I have a morning routine that includes meditation and exercise and I am usually up early so that I can set myself up for the day.  I love it when the house is quiet and I can tune into the still peaceful energy that comes before the activities of the day.  This is part of my self care routine.

Self care is not about being selfish, it is about giving ourselves a little time and attention too.  Everyone who has ever flown on an airplane knows that if the oxygen mask drops down, you have to put yours on first, before you can help anyone else.  This is such a good analogy for looking after ourselves.

Some of the people who come to see me say they suffer from stress, they feel overwhelmed by the pressures of life and find it hard to switch off.  When they are supposed to be relaxing they are thinking of work or trying to solve some problem or other.  One of the skills I teach them is a mini-meditation, a brief relaxation exercise that has the power to reduce stress and bring balance and harmony to the mind and body, when practiced regularly.  I encourage them to do it at least twice a day for at least a couple of weeks to see the difference it makes.

As well as things like going for a walk, sitting in the sunlight, having a lovely bath or a nice cup of tea, anything  that you enjoy doing, a brief meditation can give you the boost you need and restore a sense of calmness. The steps are simple and once you have done it a few times you can use it in many different scenarios.

I recently did a podcast with Dr. Sammy, a medical doctor in the U.K.  (see my last blog post for more details).  In the podcast I guide you through a Heart Focused Relaxation exercise, and teach you how to do it for yourself.  The audio extract is linked below.  It  is just 10 minutes long, and when you have learned the steps you can do it for yourself anytime, taking as long or as little time as you need.

There are three main steps in the exercise:

1. Shift your focus from the thinking mind to the feeling heart.
2. Breathe a little slower and a little deeper than normal, and find an easy comfortable rhythm.
3. Activate a feeling of love, care, appreciation or gratitude for someone or something in your life.

From here, I encourage you to spend a few moments connecting to and feeling the elevated emotion, and then radiate this uplifting feeling to every cell in your body.  Then, if you want to, radiate the positive feeling to the world around you.

When you complete the three steps,  you can add some positive affirmations or imagine yourself doing something that you want to do – achieving a goal of some sort, or just sit in the calmness until you are ready to move on with the day.

Click on the link to access the audio: Guided Heart Focused Relaxation Exercise

I love this quote from Carl Jung, it’s a good one to remember at the beginning of every day:

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become”

Feel free to let me know how you get on or if you have any questions.  I’d love to hear from you.

Inner Space – Your Safe Place.

Have you ever really wanted to do something and felt really excited about it, but at the same time a bit nervous?  I can relate.  That was me last week.  I had butterflies in my stomach and my heart was beating faster.  I was preparing to talk on a podcast for the very first time and in that moment I stepped into a space called the “creative growing edge” which was outside my known comfort zone, and into a brand new experience for me.

I was over the moon to be invited as a guest on the “Surrender and Manifest” podcast, hosted by Dr. Sammy – a medical doctor in the U.K.  She talks with her guests about personal growth and mindset, and blends her knowledge of psychology, early childhood development and neurobiology in order to help her listeners to understand more about themselves and how their brains works.

On this episode, we discuss how I got to where I am today, my journey to become a Clinical Hypnotherapist and BWRT (BrainWorking Recursive Therapy) Practitioner, and I share some interesting issues I have helped my clients to overcome, including an unusual phobia and a case of childhood abuse.

I also share some tips to build emotional resilience, and you can find out how I helped one client to activate her Inner Cheetah.  Dr. Sammy does a great job of summarising the main points so you have a take away.

At the end of the podcast, we do a guided 10 minute Heart focused relaxation exercise which is a simple, powerful technique that builds emotional resilience, lowers stress, boosts the immune system and creates a natural state of harmony and balance that connects mind, body and spirit.

You can click on the link below to have a listen, you may hear something that resonates with you.  If you have any questions, please get in touch.  I would love to hear from you, and if I can help you with anything, just ask.

Inner Space – Your Safe Place

Surrender and Manifest Podcast – “Activate Your Inner Cheetah”

We may recognise the obvious signs of anxiety in ourselves or in others but some people are good at hiding it and put on a brave face.  Like the iceberg, only 10% is above the surface while 90% remains hidden.

Many clients that come to me for help with anxiety issues say that they feel isolated and alone as they battle with the symptoms. They often believe that no one would believe they have anxiety issues as they appear confident, and they are embarrassed to admit it.  That in itself can be another sign of anxiety – worrying about what other people think, and believing that if they show any vulnerability it will mean they are not good enough or not perfect enough. Perfectionism is another one of those signs.

Anxiety is meant to warn us of immediate danger and it works very well most of the time. We rise to a challenge, deal with the situation and return to homeostasis, a psychologically balanced state of mind and body.   However, chronic anxiety is a habit learned by the brain.  It’s a process of faulty pattern matching that uses up a lot of energy and can lead to ill health, low self-esteem, lack of motivation and diminished levels of confidence. Over time, it can negatively influence our self image and core identity.

Trauma, at a young age especially, can leave an imprint in the brain that pre-disposes a person to suffer from anxiety. It may manifest later in life as feeling insecure in relationships, binge eating, alcohol or drug dependence, perfectionism or some other psychological problem. The trauma happened in the past, but the brain activates responses in the present, predicting a future based on historical events.

Although we can’t see what goes on beneath the surface, there are tell-tale signs to look out for, including insomnia, lack of concentration, irritability, avoidance or feelings of guilt or loneliness.

Pop-Ups

If your computer malfunctions, gets a virus or is infected with some sort of bug, you might get lots of annoying pop-up messages that divert your attention, slowing the machine down and causing problems.  Anxiety can cause pop-up messages too, in the form of worrisome or obsessive intrusive thoughts.  Negative thoughts can run on a loop either consciously or beneath the surface as a result of past trauma, anxiety or limiting beliefs, indicating an underlying faulty programme.

Programmes can be rewritten and updates can be installed.  Neuroplasticity means we can change patterns of activity in the brain, redirecting the neural pathways and changing our automatic responses.

Hypnotherapy and BWRT (BrainWorking Recursive Therapy) are excellent tools that can rewrite the unhelpful programmes that cause anxiety.  You can’t get rid of anxiety altogether as it’s part of the survival mechanism but you can retrain your brain to be more discerning, to offer you a better option, a better choice, when there is no immediate threat.  You might prefer to activate a calm, neutral or confident feeling instead of anxiety.  In fact, you can choose how you want to feel in any given situation when you retrain your brain.

Five things to remember if you are experiencing anxiety:

1. Instead of judging yourself, be kind to yourself, you matter;
2. You are not alone, lots of people, just like you and me, suffer from anxiety too;
3. Most things in life are not permanent, everything passes;
4. Don’t take things personally, the world is not out to get you and most people are doing their best;
5. Help is out there, asking for help is not a weakness, it is a strength.

Jan suffered from anxiety and depression for many years.  She noticed a difference after just one session.

“I was recommended to Mary by a friend. At the time I was in a very dark place, suffering from anxiety and deep depression. Just after one session with Mary, I could not believe the difference I felt. As the weeks went by with each session I felt more calm, relaxed and positive. I would not hesitate in recommending Mary to anyone that needs help. She has truly been an inspiration and huge help to me.” -Jan

Philip was new to anxiety and had never had a panic attack before.  He discovered how to neutralise the anxiety,  change his automatic thinking habits and activate positive feelings, and he was back at work in no time.

“I was apprehensive at first as my anxieties and panic attacks were new to me. Mary helped me to understand and re work my thinking and now I am back to work and am my old self once again. She has also helped countless others and some close friends to the family also. A truly wonderful lady and in a tricky profession, shines brightly. Thank you again.” -Phillip

Don’t suffer in silence, talk to someone who knows how to help.  If you experience the signs of anxiety and want to retrain your brain, get in touch with me for more information.  I offer a free, no obligation, 30 minute consultation to see if what I do can help you.

Happy New Year One and All.

There are many wonderful wishes and aspirations circulating the world today.

Time for New Year’s resolutions and goal setting for many.

The old year is gone and a new one is just beginning.

I wish you Inner Peace.

I read some ancient words of wisdom recently which I’d like to pass on:

“Make your life simple”. 

We often complicate things when there is no need to.

A simple life leads to inner peace.

Strive for harmony in all your relationships.

Harmony in all your relationships will lead to inner peace.

Inner peace will give you clarity of mind so you can see your way forward from a new perspective.

Clarity of mind helps you to see the bigger picture of where you are on your life journey.

Listen to your body, it speaks to you via sensations and feelings. 

Harmony feels right, disharmony feels as if something is not quite right.

Always deal with any sign of disharmony immediately by asking yourself:

1. How am I complicating things?
2. How am I contributing to this?
3. How can I make my life simple?
4. What can I do now that will lead to inner peace?
5. When am I going to do it?

Make your life simple  – declutter you life, declutter your mind and learn how to let go.

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realise they were the big things.”
–  Robert Brault

Here’s to a healthy happy New Year!

www.innerspacehypnotherapy.co.uk

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